I have neglected this blog in the past week, due to lack of mojo. I haven't touched my art supplies in about a week now. Oh so sad. Perhaps it's because of all the anxiety that has taken over my life in the past 2 weeks. Perhaps it's because of that stupid month of September that I dislike very much. Too many memories, too many losses. I lost my grandma from a heart attack on September 5th 2002. September 8th 2005, we celebrated my father's 50th anniversary... He passed away from a heart attack 4 days later. Never had the chance to say goodbye. I was very close to my dad, and to be honest, a part of me has died with him that day. I am not the same girl since he passed, and will never be. How can one live a life feeling so lonely?! How can one live a life feeling incomplete?! I've been surviving for the past 6 years, and I am not sure I will ever find my way to happiness again.
And this year, during the month of September, my 85 years old grandpa (who has always been top shape, I swear he is the most healthy 85 years old man you could ever meet) was diagnosed with bone cancer. He is also suffering from anemia, and has now been hospitalized for a couple of weeks.
And to top if all, I am also dealing with some health issues right now. I am forced to go back to work now, and I am not ready. Not at all. Anxiety is now taking over again, and I am not quite sure how to handle it. But apparently, there is nothing wrong with me. Or if there is, they don't know what it is, because I don't talk. I don't know how to express myself, or express how I am feeling, therefore, they are unable to put the finger on what's wrong with me. Since there is no diagnostic, my doctor, the insurances, and my mother are forcing me to go back to work. They say I should be ok. Just thinking about it now makes me freak out. What to do now???
Oh please, pretty please, wake me up when September fuckin' ends.